The End of an Era

Last year on the Eve of my birthday I sat contemplating everything written in this blog post. It was such a time of reflection. A year later and I am contemplating all of that and last year. Tomorrow I turn the big 30!! Oh I dreaded it last year. I really did, now I don't. Little did I know God would be weaving the desires of my heart from last year's reflections to reality. Little did I know my heart was preparing for where we are this year. I was learning less is more for the season I am in now.

 Who would have guessed my one regret would have been tearing my upstairs apart. This would make it more difficult to have more babies before I was 30. Little did I know this was not going to be what happened. Some how through God's grace and infinite blessings we finished our upstairs and ended up with 2 babies instead of 1. I never dreamed we would actually have another baby by now. I thought maybe pregnant but never one baby let alone two. 

What a journey it has been. 7 weeks out and I am finally feeling good. I didn't realize how bad I really felt from my c section. I am so glad I didn't begin exercising a lot two weeks ago when I got the go ahead. The days are long, but all the kids are growing so fast. I edited this today and got a glimpse of the teenage years praying the boys would stay away.

This girl is getting so big and she is so helpful. I would be lying if I said we don't have rough moments. Without asking what I need this girl frequently just grabs a baby and tries to calm them down. She always asks for us to take a picture with them. She also is their wardrobe consultant and is usually the one to pick their clothes. 

Eli is the same way. This past year has made me realize how incredibly special Eli is. He has such a servant's heart. He is a wonderful leader, and he loves the Lord so much. If I screw up with the rest of them, I at least know he is on the right track. Although, I might say a lot of that is due to my wonderful husband.

Eli frequently picks the girls up just to hold them. He has a special bond with Annalise. He tells her, "I love you. Do you know that?" The other day he had his Star Wars shirt on and said, "This is R2D2. When you get bigger I'll watch Star Wars with you and tell you who everybody is." He melts my heart. Honestly, I don't think we would make it many days without his help. I fell asleep during nap time on the couch nursing Annalise while Daphne was in the swing asleep. Eli was playing and the next thing I know he is standing next to me with Daphne who is fussing. He tells me she needs to eat. I love him.

Ari makes my days hard. Oh my days are so hard with him. He makes me go through 20 different emotions before I have even peed in the morning. I love him to pieces but he keeps me on my knees in prayer. He is sooo loving to his sisters but my word if he wakes them up one more time I might lose it. He can't keep his hands off them. I know this is good, but when you have gone 3 weeks with no time to yourself because the 2 hours in the morning you do get that he bothers and wakes them then you get a little annoyed.

These babies are such a blessing. I am struggling with love and guilt all over. I never dreamed last year I would end up with another c section or almost preemie babies. I just never envisioned that would be me. It has been a hard mental thing to get over. I know some people think I am crazy and they are here and healthy, but it isn't that easy. I finally have processed it and am feeling oh so much better about it. Regardless they are growing like weeds and it is so hard to believe they were so little just a few weeks ago.

The little things they are growing out of or into I don't want to forget.

First matching outfits........

Little hands that stretch to the ceiling while they sleep. 

The last time they could share the swing comfortably.

Newborn cross eyes and first cloth diapers. 

Sleeping with eyes open and tongue grins....

I haven't had a moment to myself in at least 3 days, nor showered in two.  I am always hungry from nursing. Sleep I gave up years ago. It is so worth it. I couldn't imagine a better way to start the next Era. So long 20's! So here is to my 30's! My 20's are going to be hard to beat with these 6 amazing people entering my life. 

Annalise and Daphne are 1 month

The girls were one month on Friday. It is hard to believe. Many twin moms say it was a blur for them. I can honestly say it has not been a blur. I have been trying to soak in all the moments good and bad so it wouldn't be. That part has paid off. I have felt the best in so many ways after delivery emotions wise and just energy wise. The one problem I am still dealing with is my C Section incision. It has two areas that are still open and I developed an infection and fungal infection on my skin. I did everything right, but it just is not healing very fast. It has meant more Dr. appts. and more time not being able to rest. I am still frustratingly taking pain meds. I went off of them for a bit, but I could not handle it just from those areas. I know my body is working over time trying to feed two babies so it isn't getting the adequate rest that it probably should to heal. I wish I was healing quicker. It has really made getting things done, but I just have to keep taking it easy.

Speaking of feeding two babies. The twin nursing pillow was worth every single penny!! I honestly would not be able to keep up with nursing I don't think if I had it. I never have had problems with the other kids nursing. I wish I could say the same for the girls. I knew them being early would make it harder. I am glad I did my research there, because I probably would have given up. Between not good latches, weight loss, and 2 hour nursing sessions it was a lot. For two weeks I would lay in bed and cry at night. I wanted to crawl out of my skin. It was crazy. Thankfully we have moved past that and it is going so much better minus the past two days which have been non stop due to a growth spurt. We are surviving though and I can say 1 month strong into exclusively breastfeeding them. Friday night they actually slept from 11-6 so pretty much through the night. It was so nice. The 4 hours before bed all they did was nurse, but it paid off. Some nights I am awake with them from 2:30 to five in the morning with constant nursing. Thankfully I am getting the important sleep from 11-2. I found to keep my adrenals from crashing I need that sleep time. For that I can be thankful.

Due to my recovery I am so glad I had professional newborn photos done. It is not like I am not experienced at photographing babies. I have to admit though I would never guess that for when I actually do it. I can't decide if it is because they so small they just are not cooperative, if I am out of practice, or I am just not patient due to time restraints and too much else on my mind. I think a little of all three. I truly was kicking myself for not doing a lot the first couple of weeks. Then I got our gallery back and it made up for it. I did take a few the other day. One problem I run into is one is either crying and one asleep or one asleep and one awake. It never fails and they frequently switch spots. 

This lasted all of two seconds and then Annalise began pulling her sisters bonnet and it just ended 

They are both growing so much. Instead of looking like little preemies they actually look like newborns which is crazy to think about. They finally are fitting in their newborn clothes. 

Friday when I weighed them Daphne weighed 5 lbs. 8 oz. and Annalise weighed 6 lbs. 10 ounces. the same size Eli was when he was born. Ari and Lilliana were 8 lbs. so that should tell you how small they really are. Annalise gained 4 ounces between friday and Sunday so she is probably pretty close to 7 lbs. and I am going to guess Daphne is pushing 6 lbs now too. They are gaining fast. 

Daphne is a so happy most of the time. She has begun smiling at me in the mornings when I talk. Frequently before bed as she is just drifting off to sleep she full on giggles and it is really cute. She furrows her brow a lot and we laugh about that. She is always sticking her tongue out too. I call her my little elf with her pointy ears and red hair. 

Annalise looked so much like Eli when she was born. We are not lovingly referring to her as Lilliana 2.0. She is quickly becoming a chunk just like Lilliana did. I love it. She has chubby little thighs and this big buddah belly. If she continues she is going to be roly-poly just like Lilliana was. She is more serious than Daphne. She is also way more vocal. She lets you know what she wants and we are fast learning hates a wet diaper or poopy diaper. She is easy for sleep though as she will put herself to sleep right away on her own. I am loving watching their little personalities begin to emerge. 

Fun fact from when we came home to one month the diaper count for a 3.5 weeks was right around 500 diapers. This does not count the ones used in the hospital. These have all been newborn diapers. Thank goodness we will be moving to cloth at one point. We are so thankful for family and friends that have given us diapers so we are not washing cloth diapers while we adjust.