The End of an Era

Last year on the Eve of my birthday I sat contemplating everything written in this blog post. It was such a time of reflection. A year later and I am contemplating all of that and last year. Tomorrow I turn the big 30!! Oh I dreaded it last year. I really did, now I don't. Little did I know God would be weaving the desires of my heart from last year's reflections to reality. Little did I know my heart was preparing for where we are this year. I was learning less is more for the season I am in now.

 Who would have guessed my one regret would have been tearing my upstairs apart. This would make it more difficult to have more babies before I was 30. Little did I know this was not going to be what happened. Some how through God's grace and infinite blessings we finished our upstairs and ended up with 2 babies instead of 1. I never dreamed we would actually have another baby by now. I thought maybe pregnant but never one baby let alone two. 

What a journey it has been. 7 weeks out and I am finally feeling good. I didn't realize how bad I really felt from my c section. I am so glad I didn't begin exercising a lot two weeks ago when I got the go ahead. The days are long, but all the kids are growing so fast. I edited this today and got a glimpse of the teenage years praying the boys would stay away.

This girl is getting so big and she is so helpful. I would be lying if I said we don't have rough moments. Without asking what I need this girl frequently just grabs a baby and tries to calm them down. She always asks for us to take a picture with them. She also is their wardrobe consultant and is usually the one to pick their clothes. 

Eli is the same way. This past year has made me realize how incredibly special Eli is. He has such a servant's heart. He is a wonderful leader, and he loves the Lord so much. If I screw up with the rest of them, I at least know he is on the right track. Although, I might say a lot of that is due to my wonderful husband.

Eli frequently picks the girls up just to hold them. He has a special bond with Annalise. He tells her, "I love you. Do you know that?" The other day he had his Star Wars shirt on and said, "This is R2D2. When you get bigger I'll watch Star Wars with you and tell you who everybody is." He melts my heart. Honestly, I don't think we would make it many days without his help. I fell asleep during nap time on the couch nursing Annalise while Daphne was in the swing asleep. Eli was playing and the next thing I know he is standing next to me with Daphne who is fussing. He tells me she needs to eat. I love him.

Ari makes my days hard. Oh my days are so hard with him. He makes me go through 20 different emotions before I have even peed in the morning. I love him to pieces but he keeps me on my knees in prayer. He is sooo loving to his sisters but my word if he wakes them up one more time I might lose it. He can't keep his hands off them. I know this is good, but when you have gone 3 weeks with no time to yourself because the 2 hours in the morning you do get that he bothers and wakes them then you get a little annoyed.

These babies are such a blessing. I am struggling with love and guilt all over. I never dreamed last year I would end up with another c section or almost preemie babies. I just never envisioned that would be me. It has been a hard mental thing to get over. I know some people think I am crazy and they are here and healthy, but it isn't that easy. I finally have processed it and am feeling oh so much better about it. Regardless they are growing like weeds and it is so hard to believe they were so little just a few weeks ago.

The little things they are growing out of or into I don't want to forget.

First matching outfits........

Little hands that stretch to the ceiling while they sleep. 

The last time they could share the swing comfortably.

Newborn cross eyes and first cloth diapers. 

Sleeping with eyes open and tongue grins....

I haven't had a moment to myself in at least 3 days, nor showered in two.  I am always hungry from nursing. Sleep I gave up years ago. It is so worth it. I couldn't imagine a better way to start the next Era. So long 20's! So here is to my 30's! My 20's are going to be hard to beat with these 6 amazing people entering my life.