Self Portraits of Motherhood- Diaper Changes and Reflections

Today is a big day in reflection for me. One year ago I walked in for an ultrasound so excited to find out the gender of our fourth child only to be told there was two little girls on the way!!! I don't think I will ever forget the feelings of that day let alone week. It was bittersweet beyond measure. That week brought a crazy amount of growth to me as a person and mother. Many things I had to eat my words with because I openly proclaimed I would never have another c section except for breech or twin births. God must have had a funny sense of humor. I prayed so hard for that vaginal delivery, but these girls were just stubborn. Then there was the sheer fact of two babies. I was scared beyond belief but somehow I sucked it up. 

I reflected today to see if I would have changed how I felt or done anything different. The answer is a big no. I had to mourn the loss of my homebirth. I also had to mentally prepare for a hard pregnancy and a crazy first year. I wasn't planning to be cut open and recover from that, but I am finally at peace with that.  8 months later and I still am dealing with issues from my incision. It can be a hard reminder to think back to those first couple of days of Daphne being in the NICU because my mind always goes there. Thankfully I am finally emotionally and mentally accepting and being ok with it all. 

The reality of all of this is it has been 100 times better than I ever could have imagined. I say that with 2 weeks worth of photos just sitting waiting to even be pulled off a memory card. I say that as my days fly by just from all my mom responsibilities. We are doing good if I am in clothes by lunch time. I say that as my laundry is a bit of a mess at the moment. I forget to brush my teeth some days. I also have hardly slept the month of October thanks to lots of teeth and sick babies. I knew that would be rough and it has. It is worth it though.

I have watched my oldest child become so responsible and bond with Annalise like he has never bonded with another sibling. I have watched Ari become the biggest lover and protector of the babies. He has grown into a big brother and does a marvelous job. I have watched Lilliana enjoy the role of being an older sister and also "second mom." We are working on that one. Regardless it has been wonderful. I have also watched myself grow in ways I didn't think possible. Taking all 5 out just is not daunting anymore. I have watched my husband become an even better dad if that is possible. We also work together better than we ever have. 

Then there are the girls. They have really stolen all of our hearts and been the biggest blessings to us. It is amazing how awesome it is. I could go on and on about them, but Ill spare all the details for their 8 month post that may or may not get done this week.......

Diaper changes may seem so silly to photograph, but I don't want to forget the wrangling of two and the interaction we have. The girl's pretty much look forward to being tickled and  "This Little Piggy," especially Annalise. That girl LOVES it. Daphne likes it, but then she is on the move again. I took the time one day to document it messy hair, mess all around, and just a typical day around here. 

I am so thankful for all of our kids, but especially the blessing of two at once!! 

Ari's "6" month photos

Life got away from me, I also really wanted to use my new camera to do his photos so they really happened when he was 7 months but that is ok. 

These photos really show his personality. He is that kid that will make a lot of silly faces. 

Splits.............

 

I wanted to recreate this set up with him to show how much he had grown....he will always be my little patriotic baby because of his due date. 

 

 

These are one of my favorite things to do of the kids. I have been trying to do one of them each year. I wish I would have started sooner with Eli but that is ok.

We were almost done with pictures and he wanted to eat and crashed so I took the opportunity to take some of him sleeping.

  

Many times I get parents asking to edit out kids faces if they are have dry skin or a little redness. Most of the time I don't notice and it does not need done. As I edited his photos I knew he had rosy red cheeks that I had put lotion on already. I considered smoothing them but decided against it. I like to remember that about him. All of the kids have had rosy chapped cheeks in the winter. I always forget about it until it is winter and we have a baby in the house. I want to look back at these photos and remember that. Their cheeks are so chubby and cute you can't help but kiss them!

 I can't believe six months has already flown by. He has 5 teeth with another almost through. He is crawling everywhere and pulling himself up on furniture. He is a very SILLY child and loves to play with Eli. If he does not like something he screams. He also still sleeps with us at night. He starts in his own bed but wakes up to eat so ends up with us. He loves to snuggle and kiss us. We love and adore him!

Happy Birthday Sweet Girl

My Dear Lilliana, 

Today you are TWO! I don't know where the time has gone. As I sat down to write this I began looking through your pictures and it made me cry. I feel like you were just born. 

Being pregnant with you and your birth was easiest so far of all three of you. You may have come fast but it was easy as far as labor goes. I look back on that day with fond memories. I was so excited to finally have my sweet girl that I could dress in pink and lots of frills. You were ever so roly poly and had the most adorable cheeks. I have a feeling you will be told that all of your life. Embrace it my dear daughter. They are you and they make you beautiful. Do not be ashamed because in my eyes you are the most beautiful little girl in the world. God must have thought so also as He made you so special even if your cheeks are your noticeable feature. 

 


As I watched you grow your first year I laughed and marveled at how easy of a baby you were to care for. You were a dream. You slept well and you were always so happy. I began to see your personality unfold and I realized you were silly and loved to make people laugh.

Your first birthday arrived in a whirlwind. At the time I had so much on my mind with the fact of another baby on the way. I still couldn't believe you would soon be a big sister since you just were born. Regardless you were 1 and your first year flew by. I had so much fun planning what you would wear and painstakingly looked everywhere for the right outfit for your pictures and for your big day. Watching you eat your cake was so much fun and I loved every minute of it.
 

 

This past year I have watched you grow more. I have seen you learn to walk, become a big sister, and learn to talk. My favorite thing has been to watch you become a big sister. You have been so wonderful to Ari. Listening to you talk has been very special too. You know so much and in many ways have become the queen bee with the boys. You boss them around and rule the roost at times. 

You are sensitive and sweet. You are oh so silly. You also adore your Dad and Eli. Eli and you are like peas in a pod and you love to be with him. My favorite part is you love to help me to cook and clean. You love to play with your dolls, read books, dress up, and play tea party. In as much as  you love doing girl things you also love playing with cars, trains, and wrestling! 

You are so beautiful and spunky. I adore your blue eyes with your beautiful long eyelashes, although I do believe they are changing to a green or maybe hazel like Eli's eyes. I noticed that today as I edited your photos. Regardless I love looking into your beautiful face and seeing your eyes light up. I also adore your curls. Who would have guessed I would get a little girl so beautiful as you with curly hair.

 

Somethings have never changed and that is your adorable pout. I also would like to give the caption to these photos, "It's my party and I will cry if I want to." It is very fitting.........

 

I took you out yesterday afternoon as your last day as 1 to treasure just you. I wanted it to be special so I could remember how much you have grown and enjoy your silly smile and ever so soft voice. I know we only went to Meijer but I loved every minute of it. Sometimes I feel like you get forgotten being the middle child and the fact you are so quiet. It was nice to just enjoy you for a couple hours. I loved that you could choose your own balloons and what kind of cake you wanted. Sadly I realized it just meant you were growing up. I treasured the moments you grabbed my hand to walk. 

 

Most of all I loved watching you guard your balloons and the enjoyment they brought you. 

 

My dear child, I love you and I am so glad you are mine. I can't wait to continue to watch you grow into a beautiful young woman. I am beyond blessed to have you. I love you more than words can say.

Love, 

Mom