Self Portraits of Motherhood- Diaper Changes and Reflections

Today is a big day in reflection for me. One year ago I walked in for an ultrasound so excited to find out the gender of our fourth child only to be told there was two little girls on the way!!! I don't think I will ever forget the feelings of that day let alone week. It was bittersweet beyond measure. That week brought a crazy amount of growth to me as a person and mother. Many things I had to eat my words with because I openly proclaimed I would never have another c section except for breech or twin births. God must have had a funny sense of humor. I prayed so hard for that vaginal delivery, but these girls were just stubborn. Then there was the sheer fact of two babies. I was scared beyond belief but somehow I sucked it up. 

I reflected today to see if I would have changed how I felt or done anything different. The answer is a big no. I had to mourn the loss of my homebirth. I also had to mentally prepare for a hard pregnancy and a crazy first year. I wasn't planning to be cut open and recover from that, but I am finally at peace with that.  8 months later and I still am dealing with issues from my incision. It can be a hard reminder to think back to those first couple of days of Daphne being in the NICU because my mind always goes there. Thankfully I am finally emotionally and mentally accepting and being ok with it all. 

The reality of all of this is it has been 100 times better than I ever could have imagined. I say that with 2 weeks worth of photos just sitting waiting to even be pulled off a memory card. I say that as my days fly by just from all my mom responsibilities. We are doing good if I am in clothes by lunch time. I say that as my laundry is a bit of a mess at the moment. I forget to brush my teeth some days. I also have hardly slept the month of October thanks to lots of teeth and sick babies. I knew that would be rough and it has. It is worth it though.

I have watched my oldest child become so responsible and bond with Annalise like he has never bonded with another sibling. I have watched Ari become the biggest lover and protector of the babies. He has grown into a big brother and does a marvelous job. I have watched Lilliana enjoy the role of being an older sister and also "second mom." We are working on that one. Regardless it has been wonderful. I have also watched myself grow in ways I didn't think possible. Taking all 5 out just is not daunting anymore. I have watched my husband become an even better dad if that is possible. We also work together better than we ever have. 

Then there are the girls. They have really stolen all of our hearts and been the biggest blessings to us. It is amazing how awesome it is. I could go on and on about them, but Ill spare all the details for their 8 month post that may or may not get done this week.......

Diaper changes may seem so silly to photograph, but I don't want to forget the wrangling of two and the interaction we have. The girl's pretty much look forward to being tickled and  "This Little Piggy," especially Annalise. That girl LOVES it. Daphne likes it, but then she is on the move again. I took the time one day to document it messy hair, mess all around, and just a typical day around here. 

I am so thankful for all of our kids, but especially the blessing of two at once!! 

Update

The last time I blogged the only pictures I had put in albums was Eli's first 2 years, Lilliana's first 3 months, and Newborn Photos of Ari that the Photographer took. The rest of my photos were on my hard drive. 

 

Since then I have gotten a lot done. Except for the pictures I am posting today all photos from this year have been printed and put in an album. It honestly has taken me maybe 5 hours total. Two nights of sitting down watching a movie and putting them in albums. Everything was already organized in folders on my computer so I was able to quickly just pick the photos I want and they uploaded for print. I went about my business and then came back to place the order. I also have January of 2012 done. I also have Ari's birth story half way done. I am having a block with that because it is involves digital scrapbooking and lately I have not wanted to be on the computer doing that, but I have been working on it. So here is a little sample of what I have gotten done. This album is from Project Life. You can look up Becky Higgins for more information on them. 

 

Since I have been gone I can't say I have take a lot of photos. I have not been getting much sleep, I sprained my ankle, and the kids have kept me busy. Ari has a lot of teeth coming in and screams all through bed time so it has meant sheer exhaustion.

For now a few pictures..........

 

I let Ari have spaghetti one night. He has not had many grains but I let him have fun.

 

Taking all three kids grocery shopping can be a lot these days, so instead I have been taking one child and just spending some time with them. Lilliana went with me a couple weeks ago. Normally I am busy in the store just trying to think about what we need. This time I was able to actually sit and talk to her and listen to her. She pointed out everything. Then we went by the sunglasses and she got so excited and insisted we stop and look. Then she saw these adorable glasses and honestly I couldn't turn her down because she looked so cute so she got them. She wore them the entire time through the store and everybody stopped to talk to her and tell her how cute she was. She ate that attention up and gave her cute silly smile. She even picked out a pair for Eli.

 

The first day of spring ushered in snow for us. It really has not gotten warm. The birds are everywhere with their beautiful songs but the warmth just is not. Hopefully soon.

 

When we got inside Lilliana crashed fell asleep oh so sweetly in the chair. 

 


This child has been a bit challenging the past couple weeks. I am hoping in the coming weeks as he gets outside more he burns off some energy. He is doing well with school, but if it gets hard he is giving up. He struggles with recognizing the number 9.  He also is testing his boundaries again. I told Anthony didn't we go through that at 3? We decided that maybe each year we will just deal with this.

 

This little boy has surgery coming up and we have been preparing for that. My heart drops every time I think about it and I am not looking forward to it but would rather just get it out of the way! 

 

That is about all that has been going on. I will be back to getting my photos printed but will probably update after this weekend. Have a wonderful week. 

New Camera

When I bought my first SLR camera I always figured it would last me for years. I even told the guy I am not a professional and don't need all that other stuff. I just want good pictures of my son because he is fast. At the time Eli was barely a year old sitting in the stroller with me at Best Buy. My biggest decision then was Nikon or Canon. I laugh now because for about 6 months I was content with just shooting in Auto. Then I realized this is not enough I want to learn more. Lilliana's newborn photos were a disaster and in all honesty it is what spurred me to learn more. I took a photo class and was hooked.


Needless to say the instructor told us learning to shoot in manual was unnecessary. To this day I disagree so after the class it was my goal to shoot manual. When I began shooting manual I realized hmmmm this camera is great, but I really do wish I had those extra buttons and features. So for almost two years now I have known I wanted to upgrade. I knew when I did it was upgrading to a full frame. 

It has been a long two years. First, I had to prove to Anthony it was worth it. I think he realized after last fall's sessions when I would sit at the computer and cry that I missed so many shots because I refused to sacrifice noise for a faster shutter speed. Then before 2013 was even here I had 13 sessions booked. We have exceeded that at this point. Anthony realized it was a business investment. I learned a lot though with that little camera. It has so much sentimental meaning and truly it did make me a better photographer, but today changed everything!!

Hello Nikon D600 and 85 MM lens! It is dream combination that is all I can say. Here is a comparison. Granted the 35 mm lens on my old camera is pretty small it still shows a big difference. I am in love. It is like a new baby......

 

Today was also a big day for Ari. We met with the urologist again and he will be having surgery. We won't know when until they call to schedule. I am very nervous about it as surgery is surgery but it is necessary and will be better to do when he is young. 

 After his appointment we went to get my camera and then came home where I patiently waited for the battery to charge. Lilliana is sick. Ari is too and Eli has said he does not feel well. Needless to say Lilliana was mess after nap. Of course it happened right as I got my battery charged. So pretty much all week I have give them my time etc and then today they are beyond needy when all I want to do is get settings right etc. Thank goodness Anthony was home. Here is the array of photos from the day beginning with the first picture I took and one of my favorites of the day.....Lilliana's poor eyes are watering from a fever (she and Ari are going to the Dr. tomorrow for ear infections.) 

 

All of these photos are pretty much unedited. I did change the white balance on the ones from this evening but other than that Straight out of the Camera! It feels wonderful! 

 

 

I could edit all of these and I am sure I will as time goes on but right now I am enjoying the fact that my images look amazing and are so sharp SOOC! The best part is the last pictures shot this evening are at an ISO of 4000 with no noise. Let me give you a comparison......with my old camera we didn't make it over 600 with some serious "noise" grain or whatever you want to call it. 

Enough about my camera and excitement! I am headed to bed as I have work and a session tomorrow! Have a wonderful weekend!