Self Portraits of Motherhood- Diaper Changes and Reflections

Today is a big day in reflection for me. One year ago I walked in for an ultrasound so excited to find out the gender of our fourth child only to be told there was two little girls on the way!!! I don't think I will ever forget the feelings of that day let alone week. It was bittersweet beyond measure. That week brought a crazy amount of growth to me as a person and mother. Many things I had to eat my words with because I openly proclaimed I would never have another c section except for breech or twin births. God must have had a funny sense of humor. I prayed so hard for that vaginal delivery, but these girls were just stubborn. Then there was the sheer fact of two babies. I was scared beyond belief but somehow I sucked it up. 

I reflected today to see if I would have changed how I felt or done anything different. The answer is a big no. I had to mourn the loss of my homebirth. I also had to mentally prepare for a hard pregnancy and a crazy first year. I wasn't planning to be cut open and recover from that, but I am finally at peace with that.  8 months later and I still am dealing with issues from my incision. It can be a hard reminder to think back to those first couple of days of Daphne being in the NICU because my mind always goes there. Thankfully I am finally emotionally and mentally accepting and being ok with it all. 

The reality of all of this is it has been 100 times better than I ever could have imagined. I say that with 2 weeks worth of photos just sitting waiting to even be pulled off a memory card. I say that as my days fly by just from all my mom responsibilities. We are doing good if I am in clothes by lunch time. I say that as my laundry is a bit of a mess at the moment. I forget to brush my teeth some days. I also have hardly slept the month of October thanks to lots of teeth and sick babies. I knew that would be rough and it has. It is worth it though.

I have watched my oldest child become so responsible and bond with Annalise like he has never bonded with another sibling. I have watched Ari become the biggest lover and protector of the babies. He has grown into a big brother and does a marvelous job. I have watched Lilliana enjoy the role of being an older sister and also "second mom." We are working on that one. Regardless it has been wonderful. I have also watched myself grow in ways I didn't think possible. Taking all 5 out just is not daunting anymore. I have watched my husband become an even better dad if that is possible. We also work together better than we ever have. 

Then there are the girls. They have really stolen all of our hearts and been the biggest blessings to us. It is amazing how awesome it is. I could go on and on about them, but Ill spare all the details for their 8 month post that may or may not get done this week.......

Diaper changes may seem so silly to photograph, but I don't want to forget the wrangling of two and the interaction we have. The girl's pretty much look forward to being tickled and  "This Little Piggy," especially Annalise. That girl LOVES it. Daphne likes it, but then she is on the move again. I took the time one day to document it messy hair, mess all around, and just a typical day around here. 

I am so thankful for all of our kids, but especially the blessing of two at once!!