In case you missed our news, we found out we are expecting twin girls yesterday. You can read about it here. I still feel like I am living in a dream. Shock is just the biggest way to put this wonderful surprise. My mind still is having a terrible time processing things to be honest so this post probably seems all over. I did not sleep well last night and I think I may still be in denial.
My phone blew up yesterday so if I did not respond to you, I am very sorry. It got to the point Anthony sent me to bed because I was a wreck of emotional nerves. I couldn't decide whether to cry or be so happy it hurt. It still hasn't changed much.
Many have asked questions and I will do my best to try and answer.
Twins do not run in either of our family that we are aware.
They are fraternal with their own sacs and placentas. This is great news as the risk of complications decreases.
I had absolutely no idea that I was having twins before now. Using a midwife we only do a 20 week ultra sound. My uterus measured ahead pretty consistently with the other three kids. I am short torso like very short so I show quicker. This time has actually been the opposite. I have measured pretty true to normal. I have felt amazing!! This NEVER happens. I have little to no swelling also never happens. I usually pull out maternity clothes at 8 weeks. I am still in my regular pants and can button and zip. They don't look fabulous but I am able. I also have not gained a pound. Usually by now we are well into 20. I thank all of this to still exercising and eating the best I ever have. I also have felt parts in my ribs for at least a week but just figured it was baby being high. Nope that would be a head on once side and legs and bum on the other. I did have twin dreams for a week. I kept dreaming we walked in and they told us it was two so I guess that part is all. Either way that is the only thing I knew.
The random thoughts and concerns that are running through my head.........
I obviously am still overweight. I am short and have no torso so I am so concerned I will end up looking like a beached whale come delivery. If there has been one thing I have struggled with this pregnancy it has been confidence. I worked so hard for well over a year before these babies were conceived to get healthy. I guess maybe too healthy:) LOL Even with all of that I still never lost all the baby weight. I lost a lot of inches and some pounds, but I still am big. It is scary with my history of high blood pressure, and I know God knows what he is doing but it is very hard to just leave it to Him and realize there is more to me than just the fluffiness.
Our house which isn't small by any standards just seems way too small for 7 people....SEVEN!! Ummm somehow I just went from 5-7.
I officially need a King Sized bed.....second thought why do I need a king size bed?!? Let's be honest I will never sleep again:)
I thought it was cluttered with one baby's things, we now have two!! I sat down on Amazon to really figure out what all we need. It was overwhelming. Do I need two swings? Do I need two cribs? Do I need two of everything? Still working through all that. The good news is I am set on clothes from Newborn to 3 months. After that I may let them run around naked to save on laundry. I am set on cloth diapers. We did decide to just stick to disposables at least for the first month. I need to get on my feet before I venture back to cloth, but we have them.
Speaking of diapers...............2 kids in diapers again............I thought I was done with that. I have done it once I can do it again.
Speaking of diapers...............2 kids in diapers again............I thought I was done with that. I have done it once I can do it again.
Can I really home school and have twins?!? Time will tell. I am so thankful I decided to begin in July. I know we will be fine and we may move to a year round schedule for a few years which is perfectly ok. It is the beauty of home schooling.
Going anywhere is going to be like herding more than elephants!! Me and 5!!! Let's just say if you don't see me for a year or so I have become a hermit and am content to live at home and allow Amazon to deliver what I need. If I can't get it from there I don't need it. I am stockpiling food and toilet paper now:) In all reality I am not joking and it is terrible. Anthony teases me I am a hermit. So I am asking my friends to help me get out. Tell me it will be ok. I am crying typing this because this thought overwhelms me the most. I am scared. The sheer amount of time it takes to get out the door with 5 kids two being babies just sets the anxiety to a level 10. This is where I want to give up and say I can't do this!! I know I can, but wow this part makes me very very overwhelmed. My grand plans of flying home for a month long visit next summer will definitely need to be rethought because I am being honest I can't travel by myself with 5 kids two being babies. It just goes back to going out with 5 kids and two babies.
I am scared. I will be honest. More like terrified of this upcoming hospital birth. I can't stand a lot of people in the room when I deliver. I hide. I know this is going to be a fight and obstacle. More than likely I will have to be hooked to monitors. That doesn't help me relax or get away. My labors are so quick I need that desperately. I am praying Dr. Herta will listen and help me in these regards. I know I have advocates on my side, but the last thing I want to deal with is hospital staff while in labor. I know they are just trying to be helpful but I know me and it won't be helpful. It will just get me out of focus and frustrated so I will have a tough time managing the pain. I have many other worries regarding this, but I am praying that those subside and I can just deliver them naturally and in as much peace as possible.
I am scared. I will be honest. More like terrified of this upcoming hospital birth. I can't stand a lot of people in the room when I deliver. I hide. I know this is going to be a fight and obstacle. More than likely I will have to be hooked to monitors. That doesn't help me relax or get away. My labors are so quick I need that desperately. I am praying Dr. Herta will listen and help me in these regards. I know I have advocates on my side, but the last thing I want to deal with is hospital staff while in labor. I know they are just trying to be helpful but I know me and it won't be helpful. It will just get me out of focus and frustrated so I will have a tough time managing the pain. I have many other worries regarding this, but I am praying that those subside and I can just deliver them naturally and in as much peace as possible.
On the more positive things. Anthony and I have been taking a marriage class at church. God knew we needed it at this time and the people we have been taking the class with. It has become a special place for us. I don't know right now that I would be very thrilled with Anthony or trusting God as much as I have without this class. It has been such a blessing. I know in the coming months of lack of sleep and craziness here this class will be the things that makes that time doable. We have tools to help us work together.
Last year we just turned a lot of things over to God and just said let things happen the way they would happen. Anthony moved to a new position at work. It may not be perfect, but wow has it made so much of a difference. Our house is wonderful don't get me wrong. It just needed some up keep and things to be finished. The old original windows were killing us every winter with the high heat bills even though we were not keeping the house very warm. God came through with that in a not so fun way, but He took care of that need. We had goals to finish the upstairs and then talk about another baby. Well once again God gave us that baby first only 2! My grandparents bless them drove clear across the country to help us get this upstairs almost done. God used them to help our need. I honestly have been speechless through that process.
As the year is coming to an end I always reflect on things I wish I might have changed. Honestly at this point I don't think I would have changed a thing. It has been one of best years we have had married. I reflected on my last year of being in my 20s around my birthday and never would have guessed it would end with 5 sweet blessings, but I wouldn't change it. The biggest lesson I have learned is I can't be in control. Letting go and letting God be in control has brought the biggest blessings to me. It is hard. I love to be in control. In fact I do not do well with surprises (hence the shock of this still), but letting go of control results in the best things. It is constant battle and I know it will continue. This summer I mourned the retiring of my photography business. I missed my extra income. I wanted to invest in another lens. Sometimes I just wanted to feel like I contributed to the money so I could splurge on something and not feel guilty. I missed many of my regular clients and some of my creative outlet. Then I realized it was the best summer and spring we had had with the kids for me at least. It was so much more relaxed and I could drop things and go instead of worrying about mounds of editing or emails. I knew last November when God was tugging on my heart to let it go that it was time. I wrestled with it. I didn't know why. I thought I could handle it all. Little did I know these two sweet girls would be just another reason as to why it was time to be done. For a year God has given me little pieces of this amazing puzzle and it is almost complete. We have a few more to find and fit into place, but it is coming along. I also just realized that the news we received yesterday was the same day I got my positive pregnancy test with Ari 4 years ago. It is amazing how my attitude has changed. I was angry oh so angry about that. I am not proud of it. In fact many days I am ashamed. I was angry at God and Anthony and just the world. Yesterday could have been the same thought process because something did not go my way. I had a plan it was wrecked. I am thankful I have matured and grown in the Lord and in my faith because I can't imagine being angry about this. I may be scared, but angry is just so not fun for this. If you made this far I am impressed. I needed to get this all out. Somehow it calmed many fears, but I know the next few days will be trying. I need sleep (ironically I feel like this will be a mantra in 6 month). I think after that I may feel a bit better. I also am editing this to add, I am thrilled. I am very excited. I know it is going to be challenging, but I am so excited to have two sweet newborns to snuggle.
My final words as I yelled them with Lilliana at dinner last night......... "Finally we outnumber the boys!" She and I are thrilled about his prospect!
As the year is coming to an end I always reflect on things I wish I might have changed. Honestly at this point I don't think I would have changed a thing. It has been one of best years we have had married. I reflected on my last year of being in my 20s around my birthday and never would have guessed it would end with 5 sweet blessings, but I wouldn't change it. The biggest lesson I have learned is I can't be in control. Letting go and letting God be in control has brought the biggest blessings to me. It is hard. I love to be in control. In fact I do not do well with surprises (hence the shock of this still), but letting go of control results in the best things. It is constant battle and I know it will continue. This summer I mourned the retiring of my photography business. I missed my extra income. I wanted to invest in another lens. Sometimes I just wanted to feel like I contributed to the money so I could splurge on something and not feel guilty. I missed many of my regular clients and some of my creative outlet. Then I realized it was the best summer and spring we had had with the kids for me at least. It was so much more relaxed and I could drop things and go instead of worrying about mounds of editing or emails. I knew last November when God was tugging on my heart to let it go that it was time. I wrestled with it. I didn't know why. I thought I could handle it all. Little did I know these two sweet girls would be just another reason as to why it was time to be done. For a year God has given me little pieces of this amazing puzzle and it is almost complete. We have a few more to find and fit into place, but it is coming along. I also just realized that the news we received yesterday was the same day I got my positive pregnancy test with Ari 4 years ago. It is amazing how my attitude has changed. I was angry oh so angry about that. I am not proud of it. In fact many days I am ashamed. I was angry at God and Anthony and just the world. Yesterday could have been the same thought process because something did not go my way. I had a plan it was wrecked. I am thankful I have matured and grown in the Lord and in my faith because I can't imagine being angry about this. I may be scared, but angry is just so not fun for this. If you made this far I am impressed. I needed to get this all out. Somehow it calmed many fears, but I know the next few days will be trying. I need sleep (ironically I feel like this will be a mantra in 6 month). I think after that I may feel a bit better. I also am editing this to add, I am thrilled. I am very excited. I know it is going to be challenging, but I am so excited to have two sweet newborns to snuggle.
My final words as I yelled them with Lilliana at dinner last night......... "Finally we outnumber the boys!" She and I are thrilled about his prospect!
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